I never tell anyone what’s on my mind. What I ever go through. What I think about every day. This for you.
I am stupid. I am stupid for falling in love with you. You have, had, or been having a bf. I’m dumb for liking that personality that I thought could never be true in anyone else. Personality is sucha strong feature and if I really like ur personality, chances are I will problably fall for you in a heartbeat. That pretty face don’t last forever :P I don’t see it anymore in you tho. I actually don’t see anything left tbh. My number 1 pet peeve is that everyone thinks you’re an angel. Some type of perfect outgoing child and carefree child. You are that but you’re also not. I remember one time I had work and you asked just to get lunch and I got all my work done at work and for school too. I called out of work early. You could say I was excited. Then of course I get a text. “Can we just get ice cream or get something smaller?” Honestly didn’t even bother me. I still would get to see you either way. ( God I’m so stupid). Time comes to hang, of course she flakes. ” Can we just do it another day? Something came up. ” This wasn’t just a one time ordeal. It happened constantly and in my imbecile mind…I honestly was okay with it. I thought that there would be time for me later. HAH wtf was I thinking. She was my #1. I was her 2nd option may be even less. Can’t blame her b/c I only did it to myself but at the same time…Do you not think about how others feel when you flake? But at the same time your time was for your bf and people who are more important to you any ways right? I just don’t see why I was such a fool.
Another pet peeve was that when I needed you most..you couldn’t be there for me ( whole situation with my cancer back issue and my ex). I don’t get it…You would call me at 4 AM to pick you up at a bar. I’m there. I’d called you at 11pm, Sorry I’m busy. Like wtf. I’ve been screwed over so many times but shit lol. I’m an imbecile. :( For just thinking that she would try for me, her friend. lol The truth of the matter is it doesn’t matter if a person has a bf for gf, if you can still “fall” for them. Like i did. I’ll admitt I’m an idiot and most of this is on me. For being such a good kid and for having some kind of false hope she’d treat me like a priority again.
So where do I go from here? I don’t like you anymore. We are both happy. But the thing is..you moved on and I’m still behind. The thing is I can’t get rid of you in my heart or my mind. The thing is it pains me to see I cannot be the same because of you. The only reason I’m a sarcastic asshole is b/c of you. ( Good or bad?) The only reason I’m so closed off form the world is b/c of you. My trust level is at like the Patriots, Jets, and Bills. Not alot at all lmao. I can’t fully talk to anyone without thinking they will backstab or betray me in some way shape or form later on/
Never fall in love. It changes you. I hope no one ever has to experience heart-break. The feeling of putting yourself out there fully for someone and then they just take advantage of it. The world is a cruel place and sometimes I just need to get away. If only people REALLY knew how I felt or think haha. They wouldn’t like me at all.
I sound like a fag but I guess it’s better than bitching and crying to someone.